How to Talk to Your Partner About Money Without Fighting

Some subjects are emotional triggers in relationships. Money is one of them. It’s a personal topic, one where partners often find multiple points to disagree on. Everyone has their own cultural background and level of financial education. Mutual respect for those characteristics needs to be kept up front when partners choose to talk about money.

One of the easier, softer ways to have this discussion is to share financial tips to save money, but the timing needs to be right for it. Talking about personal finance tends to put people on guard, especially when the conversation happens unexpectedly. In today’s article, we’ve outlined a few steps you can take to avoid the unexpected and have a healthy discourse.

 

1.  Set a day and time for a “money date”

Professional and family obligations make it difficult to set aside time when couples can be alone with one another. It’s not uncommon for partners to designate an evening or weekend day as “date time.” They’ll plan to go to movies, have dinner, or enjoy some quiet outdoor time together. These are the moments that help build healthy relationships.

Add a “money date” to that list. Set a day and time when you and your partner can talk about finance and share each other’s views and preferred financial behaviors. Don’t view it as a debate that requires compromise. It should be more of a learning experience where you learn more about your partner. Be open-minded and don’t judge each other.

 

2.  Create a budget that you can both live with

This is an essential step for domestic partners who cohabitate. Even if you keep your personal money separate, you’ll have shared expenses. For best results, this budget exercise should be conducted only after you’ve been on a few money dates. The lessons you learn from one another will help to simplify the process and eliminate any arguments.

The amount of your fixed expenses is non-negotiable. Rent and utilities will cost what they cost. Cable TV might be a sticking point, particularly when you start talking about sports and movie packages. Grocery shopping is important too. Partners don’t always share the same nutritional philosophies. Work through each of these points and be prepared to compromise.

 

3.  Hire a financial planner

Relationships evolve over time. Couples start out by casually dating, perhaps go on to cohabitate for a while, and possibly move into a more serious arrangement like marriage or domestic partnership. At that stage, seeking out a financial planner to help you with your finances might be a good idea. Discuss this with your partner.

The top financial professionals for couples are those who have completed their Certified Financial Planner (CFP) exam. CFPs have been training how to help you balance your finances and invest for the future. That includes retirement. You can find a CFP by searching online in your community or reaching out to your local Chamber of Commerce.

 

The Bottom Line: Healthy Relationships Require Compromise

Discussions about money are tough to have because it’s an extremely personal subject. Partners need to have these conversations, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. If you’re sharing financial obligations, creating a budget and planning requires compromise and mutual respect. Keep that up front and you won’t fight.